The Smile Test

Can you say it with a smile on your face?

Whenever I made a decision about serious topic, I always ask myself:

Can I say it with a smile on my face?

I use this tool whether it's a decision about politics, health, relationships or anything.

It's certainly not the only way to know if I have made the right decision, but it's an important factor. If I can't say it with a smile on my face, that troubles me greatly. Why not? Is my conscience trying to tell me something? Have I become too cold and hard-hearted? Is the decision being made with fear or with an open heart?

Take the situation with asylum seekers at the U.S.-Mexico border. I know I could go up to them with arms outstretched, saying:

Welcome! Let's look after you! Here is food and water and fresh clothing. Here is a clean bed to rest from your journey. Please tell us your troubles and we will do our best to be good neighbors and help the best way we can.

Despite the seriousness of their situation, I could see myself smiling while saying those words, at least, smiling on the inside.

By contrast, I can't imagine how someone could say the following with a truly open, warm smile:

Go back to Mexico! Lock up the children! Kick them out of our country and tell them follow the laws! That's what they deserve! We don't need to listen to them, just send them back!

Those words are filled with anger—aggressiveness—meanness—a refusal to listen—a refusal to acknowledge the good in others. The wall has already been built, and it is inside their hearts. They have to spend a lot of energy maintaining that wall.

People with this attitude do not simply have a disagreement with a policy decision. They have some kind of resistance built up inside of them. My mentor would always tell me that there's a huge difference between disagreement and resistance. Does someone disagree with your message or do they resist it? Resistance always tells you there is more to the story—most likely they are not listening to their heart or conscience.

The smile test is not perfect. I have had to bite down on my smile while making a decision a time or two, but I still think those were the right decisions. But I know why I had to do it, and I had to balance several competing factors when making those decisions. But who knows, maybe I was wrong and perhaps I should have listened to my body language more?

I'm sure there are some people who can prove me wrong. Bullies can beat up a helpless person while mocking and jeering at them. I have even heard horror stories of crowds laughing while African-Americans were being lynched. But these are not the open-hearted smiles of warmth. They have a sinister edge.

On the flip side, not all anger is bad, either. There are times for righteous anger. But righteous anger always has to come from a place of love.

Look at the graphic at the top of this post. I can't help but smile when I see it. I like that feeling. When I talk about politics, religion, or any other important issue, I want to make decisions with that same feeling in my heart.