Natural Burial

Blessed are those who mourn, 

for they will be comforted.

Matthew 5:4

I had the privilege of hearing this powerful testimony below about natural burial. This man buried his wife and lovingly took care of her remains. This is at Narrow Ridge Earth Literacy Center in eastern Tennessee. They host a natural burial preserve on site.

[This was an emotional testimony. Minor edits have been made for readability, but we tried not to tamper with it to much.]

If I may just tell a short story of Alice…  My name is Grant, and I’d like to tell a short story of how this came about.  

My wife was a hospice nurse for 15 years.  She knew the process and helped many families walk through this journey.  And she had actually researched out and found this place here.  We had been to South Carolina to research natural burial, as well.  

This is something that she wanted—she had a favorite quilt of her grandmother’s that she wanted to be wrapped in.  

At the start of this whole process, I knew some of it and I didn’t know some of it—cause as a husband and wife we were married for 27 years, she does things and I do things and I don’t know everything that she does. And so, when she passed away, I was like, "Uh oh!”  Here’s some information, I knew basic stuff, but I didn’t know the whole story. That following week after she passed I found the whole story.  

So in general, we knew how she was going to be buried. We knew it was going to be here. I knew the contacts to call to organize. Ok, Alice has passed away, and what was going to happen, then I had six friends of mine that I had employed to come with me. I would call Mitzy or Bill [from Narrow Ridge], and they would have had the backhoe operator to dig the hole, and we would have brought her up that day or the next day and placed her in the ground and buried her. 

Well, God may have had a little alternate plan there, because it was January 6^th and if you go back and look at the calendar, that day this major… I’m sure God’s up there saying, "You don’t have a clue what you’re doing, we’re going to have to slow this thing down!"  What was that thing called? A polar vortex that came down… Cold! And it was like 2 degrees and there were 6 inches of snow on the ground, and so instead of bringing Alice directly up here, from home, I had to call the funeral home. I said, "I just need you to come by to pick her up and take her to your place, don’t do anything to her. Then we’ll figure it out as the week goes on."   

So, I didn’t really know anything beyond just wrapping her up and bringing her here and burying her, and it was a Monday morning early, and so somewhere around Tuesday evening I started. I got on Google and I started Googling “green burials” and “home funerals” and different things like that and I found this YouTube series of videos about people that cared for their loved ones in a deeper way rather than the business model that we have today where the funeral home takes them, they prepare them, and they do everything and you don’t do anything except show up to the funeral home and stand beside the casket for a few minutes and then go to the graveyard.  So, I … so this was Tuesday evening, so Wednesday, I went to the funeral home and I said, "I want to dress her, I want to prepare her for burial, and I said, ‘Can I do that?’ and they say, ‘Why, sure.’" And it was just real candid.  

And so on Thursday, I had a few of my friends to go with me to the funeral home.  I brought her grandmother’s blanket, her quilt. And so, I had the funeral people, they brought her into this room, and we left the room, and I said, "Just place her on that… and put a sheet over her, and let me have 20 minutes, 30 minutes, with her by myself, and then I’ll get my friends to come in." 

So you know, I just… one of the things that is so powerful about what took place, there’s no doubt that doing this process was one of the most meaningful things that I’ve ever done in my life, and I can’t imagine doing anything that’ll be any more meaningful but to serve and to take care of my wife during this time. 

And so, I just… I brushed her hair, I wiped her, I cleaned her off, I had some clothes picked out that some of the ladies at church… I took several things and I said okay, "I want this skirt, what goes with it?" so you know, and I got them involved and helped them make a decision.  And so I dressed her, in the YouTube video I had learned how you dress a deceased body, and I dressed her and I got her all in general clothes and I brought all my buddies in and they helped me to tuck her in and make her real nice.

And so, the most meaningful thing that took place in this whole process was she was dressed, she was fresh, she was clean, she was all (whole) in excellent…, you know, I was ready to start closing up the blanket, and so I thought I had made a mistake, because the way I had folded the quilt, when it came to, it just came like this, and I thought, oh no, it’s not going to stay like this…. And the funeral lady said, I got a big needle and some thick thread and so we started down there and we came up just made little stitches so it was just really cozy and really nice and just, it just looked right. 

And so when we got to right here [pointing], when we sewed up right here, all of a sudden I realized this is a moment in my life that will be like no other because whenever… it was time for me to close her face.  And out of everybody in the world that could be the person to do that, who better to do that than her husband, the man who loved her for 27 years?  And it was just a beautiful thing.  It was hard to do.  It was a beautiful thing, it was the most meaningful thing I have ever done. And I kissed her, and I brushed her hair, and I closed her eyes, and we finished.  And then they had a shroud that we had and we finished tying it up and so we stayed there and we talked for about 30 more minutes, and I told my friends, "Okay, I’m at peace. We can do now."  This was Thursday, and then we buried her Friday.

And so, I was totally at peace with serving my wife in this way.

And so we left, went home, and then Friday we came up here, the hole was dug, and we just had a few friends and family, said some proper things, and one of the things that Alice and I did in life our mantra was, we will be participants in this life, not spectators… this is not a spectator sport, it’s full contact. And so I want to be involved in everything that was part of it.  So when it came time to let her down into where the hole was dug, I jumped down in there, I said, "Ok anybody freak out cause I’m jumping in" and all that was around her was the blanket and the shroud, and I knew that, and there was a big pile of dirt right here, and I had my friends, they all brought shovels, and I said, "Don’t wear your good clothes, because we’re gonna work."  And I want to serve her in one last way here.  So I jumped down in that hole and then they brought her over and set her down real gentle.  And I had brought a 5-gallon bucket with me, because I was thinking you know when you start digging in the dirt, I don’t want this dirt to go down and hit her body hard.  And so they filled up this 5-gallon bucket and I would pour it out and I would smooth it out and you know, it probably took around 12, 15 buckets, and then I was like, "Ok, we’re there, can do this," so they helped me out and we filled in the rest of the hole. 

I came up for the first couple of months twice a week. I could not stay away,I had to come up.  I came up and there wasn’t grass growing then, but I would pick around in the dirt, helped to smooth it out, cause it and I got it settled in good.. and when it came time for mowing I asked, "Who mows this?" And they said, "Whoever’s available."  And so I said for the year 2014 I want to volunteer to do that.

And so I’ve mowed it… I let it go, I let it get too high… well, it rained!

Just being part of here, I planted the wildflowers, I mow around Jack in front of her, he’s the recipient of some of these wildflowers, I’m like "Here Jack, here’s a few for you."

That’s the story of what took place.

The takeaway from this that I want to say is that having the opportunity to do this here opened up new avenues for me to express my love to her.  And the emotional and spiritual benefit of taking care of her in that way is the most meaningful… I cannot imagine doing anything this meaningful ever again.

[This was the end of Grant's testimony, but some questions were asked.]

Do you have to work through a funeral director to at least get transportation?

Mine was that way because I had several days involved, when she passed away the weather was pretty ferocious. You can just move from death to burial.  From your house or a hospital pickup, go home.

The funeral home takes care of so many things, death certificate and all that, and you just have to do that yourself?

I need her picked up and kept and then delivered to the burial site, but we’ll figure out the days as the weather changes.  Early Monday morning she passed away and Friday we buried her.  It cost me $1850 to pick her up and bring her here, and they did the death certificate, and had that had not taken place with the weather . . .

Quite frankly, the weather was a good thing, because it slowed me down to think and to do that part that I needed to do.

It is not required that a funeral home be involved.  Once the coroner comes in and pronounces someone dead, and gets that little bit of paperwork started… you get the death certificate, you have to have that.  But you do not have to use a funeral home for anything.

It’s an ongoing educational endeavor of Narrow Ridge, because hospitals are a little reluctant to hand over a body, even if you have the death certificate.  It’s their practice and custom to hand it over to a funeral director, but that’s not required by law to do that.

There are people who will say it’s the law to do this, but these are assumed laws…and some of those people are saying it in good faith.

Narrow Ridge did offer a home burial workshop and have connections with people who know how to do that and would be glad to share information.

[End of Q & A]

***

What are your thoughts on this testimony?

How important is it how we treat others in death as well as in life?

This post is a continuation of the Ecumenical Season of Creation. We previously explored themes of decay and rebrith, and a natural burial is another way to interface with these themes.

A natural burial may seem strange to our modern society, but it was once a regular part of life. After reading this testimony, it makes me pause to think:  Has our modern society divorced us too much from natural rhythms? Have we lost something important in the grief process by outsourcing the burial process to strangers? Have we become too fractured and disconnected? After all, Jesus tells us to turn toward our grief and mourning, and he never suggests we do anything to diminish it.

This piece focuses on the emotional and spiritual aspects of natural burial, but there are others:  There are environmental benefits as well as financial benefits. It is also a witness of simplicity. There are differences between a natural burial and a green burial.  See this link for explanation.

Non-Denominational Bible Study: I Never Knew This Was Possible!

by Julie Gerver, guest blogger.

I have never participated in a non-denominational Bible study before and was anxious when I got there!

I work in the Vocations department of Glenmary Home Missioners. We took a trip to East Tennessee to visit our missions there. 

Fr. Steve Pawelk leads a Bible study, which includes at least 15 people of different denominations gathered together to reflect on Scripture. Our group of 8 people dropped in to participate and observe.

When we arrived, I was actually kind of nervous, to tell you the truth! My assumption of different faiths coming together and talking about God was always one of disagreement or conflict. So the thought that a room full of people could discuss Jesus without any tension was kind of amazing. It was quite an experience to see that that can really happen.

 

The group took turns reading from passages and then periodically stopping to discuss what they had just read. They work from a structured Bible study course book.

 

Visitors Mike Cain and Julie Gerver deep in thought.

I have been Catholic my whole life. I have never been in any ecumenical setting as such where I have discussed the Bible or Jesus. I know that one of our focuses at Glenmary is ecumenism, but I never saw it in action in my Catholic life--I have never experienced ecumenism live like that.  

Maybe reading some apologetics books throughout my formation gave me the impression that we have to be armed, ready and prepared--which is true. In a good sense, we have to have an understanding of our faith and be ready to explain that to others. However, my impression from reading those kinds of books is that we have to ‘get ready for battle’-- to fight the attacks that are coming and be ready to fight back.

One of the comments somebody said in the Bible study actually addressed that. They said they are able to come together and discuss Jesus because the focus is on Jesus, not on dogmas or things that can separate people--it is just the truth of Jesus, his love and his coming for us. Everybody is able to share their personal experience of him.

Everyone had very good reflections.

If I didn't know going in that this was an ecumenical Bible study, and if they hadn’t mentioned that they were, I wouldn't have known. It was a united group, and there is something there that’s incredible. 

I observed a great way to interact and share our faith: You meet the person as they are. It is like you are saying, I care about you--I'm not trying to force anything on you, I care about you as you are. And that’s really cool. That helped me--first, to see that it is possible to get together and have positive interactions with people from different traditions. And second, to see that it is about loving each other as human beings, and the rest will follow. 

This Bible study group was very welcoming. The group had formed an identity where they were comfortable with who they were, so there wasn’t any of worry like, I have to be careful what I say, or Why are they here? I really felt a spirit of . . . well, a Christian spirit!

Afterwards, I was in the parking lot, talking to people as they were leaving, and it was just very friendly. People were saying, it was so good to meet you, that kind of thing. It was just human beings coming together and sharing what’s important to them. 

 

This was ecumenism 101 for me!

 

Fr. Steve Pawelk gives an explanation.

 

Fr. Steve Pawelk shares this:

 

The group started when the local Methodist church canceled their adult Bible study. People missed it and started coming to the one we had at the Catholic Church. Besides Catholics, we have people who identify as Quaker, Lutheran, Episcopalian, Methodist and unaffiliated spiritual. We have had Baptists drop in, as well. Some have stopped coming but not because they are offended by the views--mostly because the course work was too academic for their tastes, as sometimes we get technical and look at the Greek words and such. We are intentional to prevent anyone from bashing the beliefs of another tradition. Our goal is not to win a point, but rather to reflect on how our various traditions interact with Scripture. There are now more non-Catholics who attend than Catholic!

 

 

Traveling Ecumenist writes:

 

This group shows they have enough in common in Christ that the denominational differences don’t have to come up. You still have to live your life in Christ today and tomorrow whether we resolve denominational differences or not.

Pope Francis reminds us to get to know Christ first--the doctrines and dogmas come second. They are important, but we need to get them in the right order. This Bible study group certainly lives that out!

 

 

Hospitality in the Churches of East Tennessee

The simple act of visiting a church of another denomination can be a wonderful thing to do. The Glenmary Home Missioners, the group I work with, has a long tradition of doing this very thing. As missionaries, they approach church worship services themselves as a mission field--not a place to convert others, but a place to reach out to one another, be open to what the other is saying, and build the kind of unity that Jesus himself prayed for. That all who believe may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you (John 17:21).  

Anyone can be an ambassador of the faith in this way. My colleagues usually recommend going to another church on the invitation of a member or the pastor. It is usually easy to get an invitation in a conversation around town, perhaps at the grocery store or restaurant. An invitation is not always necessary, but it helps to break the ice.

When I go, all I say is, "I'm Frank Lesko, I'm visiting my friends at the local Catholic Church for the weekend, and I would like to worship here this morning." It is that simple. You do not need a theology degree to be kind and open in this way. Folks are often extremely warm and quite pleased that someone from outside their congregation would take the time and effort to spend a Sunday morning in their space and hear what they have to say. Their hospitality is a gift that I do not take for granted--I appreciate it greatly as itself an act of Christian love.

Sometimes the journey toward greater harmony between churches only takes someone proverbially knocking on the door and asking to come in and sit for a spell. Your actions will speak much louder than words, and say, "I want to be in your world for a while. Let's listen to each other."

I visit churches regularly in my work. It only makes sense to share more of these adventures in more detail online!  So here goes . . .

Union and Grainger Counties are circled in red above.

I spent this weekend in and near the Catholic mission parishes in Union and Grainger Counties in east Tennessee. Visiting other churches is easy here, as there are few churches in Union and Grainger counties in which Br. Craig Digmann has not visited at least once. He is a regular face at many places. His current total is well over a hundred churches that he has visited at least once in his few short years in the area, and that number is steadily growing.

On Saturday evening, I attended Catholic Mass at St. John Paul II Catholic Mission parish in Rutledge, TN. I have featured this congregation in posts before, most recently here. What is noteworthy about this little storefront church is that right now it has been almost entirely converted into a distribution area for food commodities for folks in need. All the chairs, altar and podiums have been temporarily moved against the wall to make way for God's hungry people. Did they move Jesus out of the way to do this? No, this is how they make space for Him! Make straight the way of the Lord! (Isaiah 40:3, John 1:23).

I had the privilege of attending Beeler's Chapel United Methodist Church early on Sunday morning. I appreciated greatly Pastor Denver Davidson's deep faith and well considered thoughts. I like that they make Ash Wednesday ashes not just from bunt palms but also from notecards of prayer requests of members of the congregation. I repent in dust and ashes (Job 42:6).

I felt right at home in this congregation, which is located on a picturesque mountain road outside of Washburn, TN. While there, I got to connect to a number of people who live at the nearby Narrow Ridge Earth Literacy Center. They live off the grid and have a profound witness of environmental sustainability. I have been especially impressed with their natural burial cemetery which is part of their environmental witness and commitment. God saw all that He had made, and it was very good (Genesis 1:31).

Not too far down the road and just a few short minutes later, I found myself attending Mt. Eager Missionary Baptist Church. Br. Craig may have been the first Catholic ever to step foot in this and other churches in the area, but now it is somewhat easy for me to come along afterwards. I was impressed by the hospitality and vitality of the congregation, as well as the good natured presence of Pastor Gary Donehew. Be hospitable to one another without complaint (1 Peter 4:9).

My only regret is not getting a picture of the view from the entrance of the church looking out. The mountain panorama is something that can strike awe into the heart of any person and never grows old. I may be back to snap that picture, but I am not going back today. After an inch of snow and ice fell last night on those steep mountain dirt roads, I am sticking to the highways today! If you want a taste, check out the cover picture for this blog, because it was taken from this very same part of the country.

I headed back to Maynardville for Sunday evening service at Hines Creek Missionary Baptist Church. They operate a critical food pantry for Union County, which is itself an ecumenical effort. For I was hungry and you gave me food (Matthew 25:35-40).

This is also one of the most musically talented congregations I have ever visited. Members make up at least two different music groups. I especially enjoyed the country Gospel of the Beason family and look forward to hearing them play again in the future. Good food and good music, this is what makes this church a pillar in the community by all reckoning! Come, let us sing for joy to the LORD; let us shout aloud to the Rock of our salvation (Psalm 95:1).

The one word that comes to my mind after this weekend in east Tennessee is this: Hospitality. Each of these churches was so welcoming and gracious to this shy outsider who speaks in a very obvious northern accent. I would like to see these kind spirited people again. We do worship the same God. We may have different ideas about how to do that and sometimes even what that means, but we are all doing the best we can to make our way through the fog. For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known. (1 Cor 13:12). 

I am glad to have met these Christian brothers and sisters of mine in east Tennessee! Br. Craig has estimated that there are over 210 churches in these two counties, so these four are just a small sampling, but if each of us took a step to get to know just one other church, we would build quite a relationship.

If you would like this Catholic to attend your church, and you live in the rural US Southeast, drop me a line!  I would love to visit your church and celebrate our mutual relationship with Christ together!